Being and Doing
How to Create an Integrated Life
January is always a fun month as a coach.
It’s fascinating to see the different energy that clients bring to their first sessions of the year. For some, the holiday season and turn of the calendar represent reflection, renewal, and rejuvenation. These clients come to their first session of the year eager to refocus and share everything they’re excited to accomplish in the new year.
For others, the new year feels like a restart, but not in a good way. Rather, it means everything they accomplished in the previous year is now null and void, and the new year simply means they are starting back at square one and have to do it all over again.
Still, for others, one year bleeds into the next and they treat the first session of the year not as a first session, but simply a continuation of the work they’ve already done through coaching.
And yet, despite the differences, this season does bring a heavy emphasis on doing, achieving, and accomplishing.
Our clients are already high performers with strong achievement-orientations. They’re often sensitive to how productive they are, and they judge their productivity against previous standards.
With all of the possibility of the next twelve months ahead, these leaders kick into a higher gear - staring at the year ahead as a painter stares at a blank canvas.
Whether formally or informally they set goals for what they want to accomplish in the year ahead. They download habit-tracking apps, sign up for memberships, and buy books.
One leader in a session last week said he’s trying to remember what he was worried about to end 2025 and building a to-do list from there.
What often gets lost as these leaders set new goals and ideate about what they want to accomplish in the upcoming year, is the issue of who they are being and becoming in the process.
In our coaching practice, we talk a lot about balancing Being and Doing.
In short, your Doing reflects the work you do, the projects you prioritize, and the tasks you complete. It’s what you do - simple enough, right?
By contrast, Being reflects who you are, and who you’re becoming. It’s the characteristics and traits you emphasize and the identity you choose to embody.
Being and Doing are inextricably linked.
It isn’t that you can truly neglect one in favor of the other, they exist simultaneously at all times. Therefore, trite cliches like “Remember, you’re not a human doing, you’re a human being” can be useful for provoking thought, but are ultimately meaningless.
However, this means that if you only think about what you want to Do/Achieve and give no thought to who you want to Be/Become, you’ll miss half of the equation and at best be accidental in creating fulfillment for self and having impact on others.
At worst, you’ll experience a fragmented life and be seen by others as lacking integration.
Integration and wholeness, by contrast, are achieved when you intentionally generate alignment between your Doing and your Being - all flowing from your values and vision for your life.
I’ll never forget a conversation with a friend who was considering resigning from his job. He was crying on the other end of the phone saying “I’m tired of living in black and white. I want to live in full color again.”
That’s the difference between a fragmented life and a life of integration.
So, as you’re dreaming about the year ahead, don’t think only about what you want to Do, but also who you want to Be.
Here are some questions to get you started:
Who am I becoming?
How do I want others to experience me?
To accomplish [insert goal], what traits and characteristics will I need to embody?
What gaps exist between who I am (Current Self) and who I want to be (Ideal Self)?
What comes up for you in this process? How does it shift the goals that are most important to you and the habits you’re wanting to form to get there?
