The Power of Retreat

Retreat is not an option - it’s a must.

This sentiment was shared by a coaching client recently as he reflected on an encounter with stress that left him hospitalized.

Unfortunately, this is something that we see often, or at least more often than we would like, in the world of executive coaching.

Working with high performers who have attained incredible levels of success in their chosen field is a privilege, but it also exposes you to the complexity of leaders with high achievement orientations. One in particular - the ability to push through and ignore warning signs that tell you to slow down, stop, or even retreat.

As this client reflected on their experience, they remarked that “all of the warning signs were there.”

When asked what they meant, they shared that they’d been unusually quick-tempered with the kids, had struggled with sleep, and had noticed their energy dipping sharply, rendering them unusually fatigued at the end of the day with a desire to just lay on the couch watching television.

Their experience isn’t unusual.

The ability to push through and keep going when you are physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted is a unique ability that can be beneficial - like when Michael Jordan scored 38 points in the NBA Finals despite being flu-stricken or when a family member suddenly becomes a caretaker and has to navigate a new set of difficult responsibilities while managing everything else they were barely able to manage before.

These acute bursts of incredible performance, despite limitations, are remarkable and admirable, but they cannot become chronic.

There’s only so long you can drive on a flat tire before significant damage comes to the whole car.

There’s something in our collective ethos that is enthralled by the rugged individual who succeeds despite impossible odds. This is perhaps best captured in spy or thriller movies when a character like Jason Bourne, John McClane, or Ethan Hunt takes out 20 villains who are all armed with machine guns while our hero has nothing but their bare hands.

While this makes for an entertaining movie scene, it does not reflect real life.

History is littered with stories of military leaders who advanced troops or employed aggressive tactics that cost them the war. Many historians agree that the world would look very different today had the Axis powers simply been more patient and a bit less aggressive in WWII.

This isn’t just confined to warfare. Look to elite performers in any field, discipline, or craft, and you will see patterns of being aggressive, pushing forward, and stretching their limits, followed and often exceeded in quantity by periods of rest, learning, and retreat.

To achieve sustainable excellence, you have to learn how to retreat.

Perhaps more importantly, you must learn how to identify the warning signs that tell you retreat is necessary.

These signs can be subtle:

• Are you eating healthy foods or consistently sacrificing quality for convenience?

• Are you in control of the expression of emotions, or do you feel like your emotions are controlling you?

• Are you engaging in slow and quiet practices - like journaling, going for a walk, meditation, or prayer?

• Are you sleeping well? Or is your sleep being disrupted by stress?

• Are your relationships flourishing or suffering as a result of your activity?

• Are you able to disengage from work emotionally?

• Are you putting your clothes away, or are they piling up on your floor?

Warning signs are individual - they will look different for each of us because each of us relates to and processes stress differently.

What’s your list?

Who can hold you accountable - to alert you when retreat is not just an option but a must?